i've been so morbid lately. this should stop.

this morning i got a call from ingrid. yay! it was an excellent start to my day. it's nice to have unscheduled days. i read as much as i want - then read some more. there really isn't much else other than that. i want to go to the beach, but no one has been willing to go with me lately. i do feel restless occassionally - i want to go to work, but i can't. i can't say this is the way things are supposed to be - how do i know about the way things are supposed to be. but perhaps i should also admit to myself that i need the break - that i should just take it easy for a day, a week or the rest of the month. i'm too stubborn, i think, too used to doing more than i can handle and never having guilt-free time for myself. but then i get to thinking of how useless i am, and how there must be work that has to be done somewhere for someone or something like that. sigh. i just need to calm down.

i should take the time to think about my future - that big scary chasm beneath the edge of my toes.