It's been a long time, although I did not mean for all those days to pass away without writing. Thoughts like snow fell and settled, sublimed into fog and pfff, gone in the sun. But this is where I am now.
Showing posts with label verbal diarrhea. Show all posts
Showing posts with label verbal diarrhea. Show all posts
Merhaba. Ankara is a very comfortable place to be in. Despite the fact that nobody speaks English outside of our community, it feels a lot like home. Aside from the the heat, the traffic and the staggered development that makes it look a lot like parts of Metro Manila (or perhaps closer to Rizal/Laguna area), the people are really very friendly and helpful. For example, after being told that my bank here will be open on a Saturday and upon finding that it wasn't on the time of my arrival, I tried to ask around if it was going to open that day. Armed with my phrasebook I uttered the syllables that were supposed to mean, "What time does Garanti open?" Sure enough within minutes, I was surrounded by six men trying to understand what I was saying and another sent off to look for someone who spoke English. It's definitely a place I could see myself staying awhile, should alternative plans fall through.
I'm happy too for the openness of the people I work with. I suppose with the constant comings and goings they've acquired a perpetual welcoming attitude. I'm pleased with the church I found and the community there. Most of all, I'm relieved with how well-behaved and motivated my students are, since I spend most of my time with them.
Unexpectedly, I'm transitioning much better that I had initially scared myself into thinking. I'm no social butterfly and I haven't shed all the awkwardness that is in me, but I've found people to talk to and spend time with. Thanks to skype/aim/gtalk, I don't have to feel lonely for my friends everywhere else in the world.
Having my own place, though is a huge adjustment. It feels daunting to be responsible for all the rooms of this small apartment. Tidying up has to be done everyday, else everything piles up and I've got no floor to walk on or bed to sleep in. Buying groceries is turning out to be a chore. I think I have to do a bit more planning on that. So far I've thrown out at least three bags of produce which I didn't have time to cook. Just tonight, I thought I'd salvage my meat by throwing out the doubtful parts and cooking the rest, only to end up chucking the whole dish after cooking it because the doubt stuck with me.
I do think I'm slowly making my way to being more responsible, although I'm at a place where I'm resenting having to grow up, which I probably should have done six or so years ago.
I've been meaning to write but all my days seem to meld together until I can no longer distinguish yesterday from the day before or from the week that passed. More agonizingly, I have no clear idea on how all my time was spent. Interestingly, even as the school year winds down, and we go from project to project, there's still more work to be done - in addition to all the summer school business and moving to Ankara.
I shall try to come back and write again this weekend. In the meantime, I have to flip my calendar once again. I can already see the day I graduated last year. At least the tulips are much improved.
After two days, I finally got the three-column layout to work on my page. Let's hope this new devotion to my blog keeps up.
is my absolute favorite season. It's been exceptionally warm, too.
Lots of things to look forward to in the next few weeks:
a) Harvard-Yale with my roommates
b) Thanksgiving with my sister and stragglers from the college
c) Winter with the kids
d) Christmas
I have to go to Church in an hour. I thought I should post SOMETHING since it's been months.
Somebody please hit me the next time I go down the slippery slope of Emo Mountain. When did I get so depressing?
Lots of things to look forward to this month.
1) Our own apartment at last!
We're moving this week, so it's going to be really busy. At least it's the last bit of moving craziness we'll have to do. Finally my own room, with my own bed. We'll have to figure out the internet situation soon. It'll be so exciting to decorate and fix it up. We finally have our own kitchen so if I'm really ambitious I might cook meals or bake pies, or put hotpockets in the microwave.
Of course, everyone is welcome to visit!
2) Roomies going off to medical schools, consulting firms, fighting big time organizations.
While I'm being useless I'm living vicariously through the rich, full lives of my roommates (or at least their expectation of it since some are still in bum mode, ahem, Jennifer). On the one hand, it's really sad to think that we're not going back to the way things were but on the other hand, it's exciting to think of places we'll have to visit to see each other or stories we'll be telling each other. We can be like correspondents for various American frontiers, erm, or something.
3) Hopefully finding a job. Cross your fingers for me!
Although I am currently enjoying having all the time in the world to talk to my friends whom I miss every day, I would like to work.
4) August movies. Talladega Nights: The Legend of Ricky Bobby, The Illusionist.
I'm currently injured. So I haven't been able to run. Even walking hurts. I hate being stuck in one place, but I'm worried I'll do something to permanently mess up my foot. I guess the pace I'm looking for is slower than the walk-don't-run adage. The cosmos is telling me to sit and think. Dum dee dum.
i've been so morbid lately. this should stop.
this morning i got a call from ingrid. yay! it was an excellent start to my day. it's nice to have unscheduled days. i read as much as i want - then read some more. there really isn't much else other than that. i want to go to the beach, but no one has been willing to go with me lately. i do feel restless occassionally - i want to go to work, but i can't. i can't say this is the way things are supposed to be - how do i know about the way things are supposed to be. but perhaps i should also admit to myself that i need the break - that i should just take it easy for a day, a week or the rest of the month. i'm too stubborn, i think, too used to doing more than i can handle and never having guilt-free time for myself. but then i get to thinking of how useless i am, and how there must be work that has to be done somewhere for someone or something like that. sigh. i just need to calm down.
i should take the time to think about my future - that big scary chasm beneath the edge of my toes.
How to..
1.Make me smile
tell me I'm funny. fool around. be a dork. smile at me.
2.Make me cry
tell me a sad story. make me laugh really hard.
3.Make me mad
be insensitive. be selfish.
4.Make me like you
be yourself. be open. loosen up. make fun of yourself.
5.Make me proud of you
if you're brave enough to fall. if you're strong enough to pick yourself up. if you're wise enough to ask for help.
(what happened to 6??)
7.Ease my temper
make fun of me. play with my hair.
8.Wake me up
don't even think about it! but if you must, do it gently. whisper.
9.Make me feel kilig
hold my hand. write a letter.
10.Make me say the truth
ask me. (but in general one wouldn't think to ask, because I'm pretty good at BSing.)
11.Shut me up when I talk a lot
not possible.
12.Tell when I'm annoyed
when i'm extremely sarcastic (and i mean out of this world bitter because i'm generally sarcastic).
13.Tell when Im bored
*yawn* ... mmm hmm.. uh huh.. yeah... *yawn*
14.Tell when Im drunk
dancing too much. laughing too much. speaking too much (and loudly!)
15.Keep me as a friend
i'm easy - good conversation. so if you can answer phone calls/emails/IMs, that should do.
16.Make me dance
as Prado once said "just add alcohol"
17.Make me fall in love
seduce me with your quick wit and your dashing smile
ask me how i'm doing
18.Make me fall out of love
love me not
19.Make me say goodbye
just ask me to
Mini Apple boxes. Yay! My ipod mini came today. Wheee!!
Doom is T-2 days. Eek! I've resolved to not freak out, but would definitely appreciate e-cards, e-mails, phone calls, text messages or comments of support. I've been pretty good this past week, no blogging (as obvious from the lack of updates) and not spending more than an hour each day online. (To be honest though I've just found a different distraction. Piano. I think I spend 8 hours playing and 4 hours studying a day.)
I'm a little bit worried that I'm not going to fall asleep the night before my exam. I've been so good with sleeping. My favorite part of training for the MCATs has been training myself to sleep 8 hours straight each night. But I think my nerves are getting the best of me. Last night I couldn't sleep at all! Tsk tsk...
Anyway, to my beloved friends, think of me, and send me good vibes! Talk to you all soon!!
Prado said this morning "We just keep on digging ourselves deeper holes here [in Manila], hoping that our planes will pull us out when it's time to leave." Planes won't do it. Over 8,000 miles away and mine still got deeper. But you know what works? Friends helping you up.
That's the big lesson from this summer's non-internship. I love you all! Thanks for everything.
I watched Florida drive away in a minivan and now I'm all alone. I could say with some regret, "If only I had studied while in Manila." But I won't, because I wouldn't mean it. I wouldn't exchange that time for a million weeks in all the theme parks of the world. It's probably better this way. I should be able to study much more efficiently now. At least there are five empty rooms in the house without computers/internet where I can set myself away from distraction.
I had a panic attack this morning after scoring abysmally on my first practice test. Sometimes I think maybe it's not meant to be - that I'm not supposed to be a doctor. But I forget that that language is reserved for romantic love, or things that have more to do with luck (which I suppose includes romance). Not for life's dreams. We may not be 'meant to be' with certain people we strongly desire. We may not be 'meant to be' lottery winners. But how the rest of our lives unfolds, that is mostly up to us.
Thanks to Dita and Jen for cheering me up! I'm only too lucky to be surrounded by people who love me everywhere I go.
I should stop blogging.
Happy birthday, Ma!
In the book I'm reading, one of the women complained about her husband: You don't know what it's like being married to Hal. He's like a big black rubber ball. Nothing you do makes an impression on him.
Maybe she should freeze him, then he'll explode. Physics. Chemistry. MCAT.
Inspiration comes from the most unlikely places.