and i answered its call. I went to the New York Public Library today to do my practice test. Well, two-thirds of it. It was the perfect place to study - the nice long tables, gorgeous ceiling, the cool airconditioning. Even the people around me gave the perfect simulation for an actual exam. All in all, I had a productive day.

I don't know why I ever hated New York. It seems that it's everything a city is supposed to be. It's so easy to get around and there are so many public spaces where people can just sit and be. After a late lunch I sat down at Bryant Park behind the library. They even have these bookshelves where you can grab a book to read while you're passing your time.

Maybe it's the first time that I'm seeing New York with the independence that the city requires of its inhabitants and visitors. I used to think New York was a hard lonely place - that's why I hated the tourists who crowded the streets and covered up its emptiness. But I suppose we carry our own loneliness, and it's only now I've learned that I'm everything but alone. As with loneliness, you can carry the love and support of those who care about you.

Did I change this summer? I can't tell. Something is definitely different. I'm happier. Not giddy, not delirious. Not even not-sad. Less afraid. Less controlled. More certain? No, more hopeful. Ready.

On repeat: Be still my heart (Postal Service)

Oh how you laughed
At my complete lack of grace.
But I could not recall
A more perfect fall
Cause when I looked up into your eyes
It didn't hurt at all.
And I thought, be still my heart...